Country elects convicted felon as president

The United States of America has voted a convicted felon into power for the first time in its history.

Voters have said a resounding ‘Yes please!’ to having a convicted criminal in charge of their country.

One voter told WalesOnCraic:

“She was too smiley. We don’t like people who laugh too much. I’m happy with my choice. He’s going to be my protector. He’ll look after me. He’s one of us, you know. He’s worked in McDonalds, he’s driven garbage trucks - he is a man of the people. I now look forward to strength and stability instead of the lunacy we’ve seen for the last few years.”

One voter, who was disappointed with the result said:

“It’s disappointing but there’s always next year. Actually. Sorry, not next year. The year after that. Oh. Not the year after that. The year after that. What? Not even that? You mean we’re stuck with him for another four years? What the hell? Why can’t we have a good old British-style constitution where we get a new boss in whenever we feel like it?”

The new president’s first job will be to round up all his political rivals, lock them up, and force them to watch re-runs of the sitcom, Cheers.