Wales is secetly being spied on thanks to a network of fake daffodils, according to an intelligence report published yesterday.

M-Dai-5, Wales’s intelligence agency, has reported that at least 40% of Welsh daffodils are in fact, secret listening devices.

Gwyn ‘Sneaky’ Fox, head of M-Dai-5, told WalesOnCraic:

“We all like to look on in wonder at the beautiful displays of daffodils at this time of year but what the public doesn’t understand is that there are nations out there wanting to know what we are up to.

“We’ve uncovered a network of fake daffodils that have secret microphones in them. We suspect that rogue nations are attempting to find out what we’re up to and to use that information for their own advantage. It is worrying.

Daffodil admirer, Ethel Wrinkles, said that she suspected that some of the daffodils were fake when she picked some and took some home.

“I picked some out of my neighbour’s garden and took them home and put them in a jar of water. There was some fizzing and then some steam came out of them. I thought it might have been something to do with my husband as he’s always dicking around with electrical stuff but then a microphone flopped out of the vase and onto the floor.

“I phoned the police but they took three weeks to get to me, by which time, I’d been kidnapped by rogue foreign states and sold on to sex slaves. That’s what I told my husband anyway.”

M-Dai-5 said that they are also keeping a close eye on this year’s tulips, which are due to bloom in April.

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