12 Things You Never Knew About UK Elections

UK POLITICS

The UK heads to the polls today in the long-awaited 2024 election. But it’s not always been that way. Here are 12 facts you never knew about the UK Elections.

1. The first General Election in the UK took place 5,000 BC when dinosaurs were roaming the earth. Cavemen at the time were looking to seek a new leader so they arranged to have an election and Caveman Bob was installed as the UK’s first Prime Minister.

2. Caveman Bob was soon eaten by a dinosaur so the now-popular method of installing a new prime minister without anyone voting for them was used. Caveman Jim was installed as a new prime minister but he was trodden on by a mammoth and that was the end of him.

3. Elections as we know them today first came into being during the 1800s. At that time, only important men were allowed to vote because they were very important.

4. Women weren’t allowed to vote until the early 1920s because the very important men said that women were too emotional and that they’d probably start too many wars. In response, women pointed out that all wars in history were started by emotional men.

5. The House Of Commons was built in 1567 to help govern the UK. The bar and canteen areas were built first because MPs at the time liked to eat and get shit-faced before debating each other.

6. Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to become Prime Minister in the 1979 election. Thatcher was known as the Iron Lady because she wore an iron chastity belt.

7. In more recent times, Tony Blair became Prime Minister in the 1997 election when he told everyone that things would get better. They didn’t so he invaded Iraq to distract everyone.

8. Election days in the UK are renowned for their good humour and friendly banter on social media. Terms of endearment like ‘tosser’, ‘wanker’, and ‘shit-for-brains’ are part of the parlance of the day.

9. The 2024 election is the first election that will see voters having to bring photo ID. In previous elections, voters could go in and vote and then rejoin the queue to go back in and vote for someone else for japes and laughs.

10. The electoral system in the UK is a First-Past-The-Post system, which means that candidates have a sack race outside the voting halls. Whoever gets past the post first wins a new job.

11. Dogs aren’t allowed to vote in UK elections because they’re stupid.

12. Results often take hours to come in, making elections long-winded and boring. Voters often enterain themselves by getting drunk and sleeping around while they wait for the results to be announced.