Millions celebrate new life by eating dead baby animals

People across the world are celebrating new life by eating baby sheep that have been killed for them.

Millions are expected to tuck into the carcasses of dead baby sheep – the emblem of rebirth and new life.

Easter celebrant George Greasylips said:

“What better way of celebrating this season of rebirth and new life than by slicing open a baby sheep’s throat, bleeding it to death and slamming it in the oven? It’s what my parents did for me and what their parents did for them. This year, we’ve got lots of family around so we’ve got loads of lamb in. We’re going to sit around, praising the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour by eating this dead baby sheep that’s been specially slaughtered for us.”

Farmer Dai ‘The Welly’ Davies said:

“We’ve been busy impregnating our sheep so that they give birth to lovely fluffy baby sheep. Then we take them off their mothers and chop them up into bits. It’s great.”