New Year to start with shit weather

The New Year is set to start with some pretty shitty weather, setting the theme for the year ahead.

Heavy winds and rain is set to piss on people’s New Year parades, and tip over any empty wheelie bins that have been left out over Christmas.

Weather expert Derek the Weathersheep, told you WalesOnCraic:

“We thought we’d start the year as we mean to go on so I’ve booked in some really crap weather to get us going. Strong winds and heavy rain will really mess up that firework display you had in mind and it’ll also mean that when you can’t get a taxi home, you’re going to be standing around getting cold and wet. You’ll probably catch pneumonia and you’ll end up in bed for the next four weeks, coughing your guts up. All because you just didn’t stay in and watch Jules Holland.

“I do wish you a Happy New Year,” he added.

Wales has seen an increasing number of storms batter its shores over the last few months. Experts believe it’s all got to do with the underarm aerosols people used back in the 1980s.

“All that crap that we sprayed under our armpits back in the day has not helped the environment,” said Derek the Weathersheep. We have to blame someone, right?”

Members of the public have been told to watch out for flying wheelie bins, should they decide to venture out on New Year’s Eve.