November 7th: Sheep shaggers, Trump visits Wales, plus your Welsh weather

WELSH NEWS

Wales Declares Sheep Appreciation Day Amidst Controversy

By Ethel Grumbleguts

In a bold move to counter the infamous “sheep shagger” stereotype, the Welsh government has declared a Sheep Appreciation Day, inviting locals to celebrate their woolly companions with parades, games, and, of course, sheep-themed snacks. 

“It’s time to show the world that we love our sheep in a completely platonic way!” announced Minister of Agriculture, Ewe-bert Fleece.

The event kicked off in Cardiff with a grand parade featuring sheep dressed as famous Welsh icons, including a fluffy rendition of Tom Jones and a particularly convincing version of Daffyd from “Little Britain.” Attendees were encouraged to dress in sheep-themed attire, leading to an unexpected fashion show where one contestant wore a full sheep costume complete with bleating sound effects.

However, the day wasn’t without its controversies. Critics quickly pointed out that while only two sheep-related crimes were reported in Wales from 2007 to 2016—according to recent Ministry of Justice data—this didn’t stop social media from erupting with jokes. “I thought we were past this,” tweeted one disgruntled local. “Can’t we just enjoy our sheep without the punchlines?”

Despite the backlash, the festivities continued with a “Best Sheep” contest, where judges awarded points for fluffiness and personality. In an unexpected twist, the winner was a particularly sassy sheep named Baa-bara who stole the show by performing tricks and refusing to leave the stage.

As the day wrapped up, Ewe-bert Fleece remarked, “We may be known for our sheep, but today we showed that love doesn’t have to be weird!” And with that, Wales aims to redefine its image—one woolly celebration at a time.

WELSH NEWS

Donald Trump Makes a Splash at Cogan Leisure Centre: A Presidential Pool Party

By Timmy Twinkletits

In an unexpected twist to his new presidential tour, former President Donald Trump made a surprise visit to the Cogan Leisure Centre in Wales, leaving locals both baffled and amused.

Sporting a bright orange swimsuit that could only be described as “presidential chic,” Trump arrived with a retinue of aides, all clutching pool noodles and inflatable flamingos.

Upon entering the leisure centre, Trump declared, “This is the best gym I’ve ever seen! Tremendous equipment! I love the 120 stations—so many options for working out and avoiding cardio!” Eyewitnesses reported that he spent an impressive five minutes inspecting the weights before declaring them “too light” and challenging the staff to a bench press competition.

As he wandered towards the 25-meter swimming pool, Trump was overheard asking if there was a “bigly” flume slide. When informed there was indeed a flume, he exclaimed, “I’m going to make swimming great again!” After a brief safety briefing that seemed to go over his head, he took the plunge—literally—sending water splashing everywhere and prompting cries of “Make a splash!” from his entourage.

The highlight of the visit came when Trump attempted to lead an impromptu aqua aerobics class, shouting instructions like “More energy! Less wetness!” while struggling to keep his hair dry. Local residents gathered outside, some cheering while others wondered if they had accidentally tuned into a reality show.

As he left, Trump promised to return for an official swim meet, stating, “We’ll have the best swimmers. Everyone says so!” Whether this visit will lead to a new political movement or just more viral videos remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: Cogan Leisure Centre will never be the same again!

WALES WEATHER

Welsh Weather Forecast

By Derek the Weathersheep

Thursday

Welcome to another day where the clouds have decided to throw a party and forgot to invite the sun! We’ve got hill fog hanging around the mountains like a bad fart. Down south, expect some light rain that’s just enough to dampen your spirits (and your hair), while the north and parts of the west are throwing a “bright spells only” bash—bring your sunglasses!

It’s a bit breezy out there, especially if you’re scaling any heights—so hold onto your hats, or they might just take off for a joyride! The maximum temperature is a cosy 14 °C, perfect for those who enjoy feeling mildly chilly while contemplating whether you should have just stayed in bed. Enjoy the day, and remember: at least it’s not snowing… yet!

Friday

Well, folks, it’s another day where the sun seems to have hit the snooze button! We’re looking at a delightful mix of cloud cover thicker than your Aunt Edna’s famous fruitcake and some light rain that’s just enough to make you question your life choices. The mountains are sporting a fashionable hill fog—perfect for that mysterious, “I’m lost in a romantic novel” vibe.

But don’t despair! There are a couple of bright spots peeking through, especially if you’re in the northwest. Just don’t forget your umbrella; it’s going to be a balmy 12 °C—ideal for contemplating why you didn’t move to the tropics!