Tory leadership race to be decided by mud wrestling competition

The race to become the new leader of the Conservative Party is to be settled with a mud wrestle in a Lidl car park.

The party is seeking a new leader after Rishi Sunak joined the travelling circus as a stunt dwarf.

The announcement came after Tory activists were left underwhelmed by recent leadership debates.

Tory spokesman Tarquin Smythe-Peacock, told WalesOnCraic:

“I nearly spat my cucumber sandwich out when I saw the quality of candidates that had been put forward. To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I’ve therefore decided to make this nice and easy and to arrange a mud-wrestling competition. Whoever wins becomes the new party leader. We need someone who can work their way out of slippery situations and a mud wrestle is the quickest and easiest way to see who can do that the best.”

The mud wrestle will take place in a Lidl car park, but the location is yet undisclosed.

“We’re keeping that secret so that it’s not hijacked by loonie lefties who just want to see shiny grown adults, all grappling with each other. Mmmmm,” added Smythe-Peacock.