Wales to impose 20mph wind speed limit

The Welsh government has announced plans to introduce a new 20mph wind speed limit across the country, in a bid to reduce air pollution and noise levels.

The new policy, which will come into effect from April 1, 2024, will require all wind turbines, fans, kites, balloons, and other wind-generating devices to operate at no more than 20mph, or face a fine of up to £1,000,000.

The government claims that the move will improve the quality of life for Welsh residents, who have been complaining about the constant noise and disturbance caused by high winds.

“We want to make Wales a more peaceful and pleasant place to live, work, and to go dogging,” said the Minister for Spending Money On Impractical Stuff, Dai Windy. “By limiting the wind speed to 20mph, we will reduce the harmful emissions from fossil-fuelled power plants, and also create a more tranquil and serene atmosphere for our people and wildlife.”

However, the decision has been met with criticism and ridicule from some quarters, who argue that the policy is impractical, unenforceable, and based on faulty science.

“This is a ridiculous and nonsensical idea that will have no positive impact on the environment or the economy,” said the leader of the Wales First Party, Rhys Blowy. “What a load of bollocks this is. If we were to be voted in, we’d make sure that we stopped wind altogether.”

Some experts have also questioned the logic and feasibility of the policy, pointing out that wind speed is not a reliable indicator of air pollution or noise levels, and that reducing the wind speed could have unintended consequences for the climate and the weather.

“Wind speed is not a direct cause of air pollution or noise pollution, but rather a result of them,” said Dr. Gale Force, a professor of windy things at Cardiff University. “I suggest that if this government wants to impose a wind speed limit, that they come and speak to me first. I am very, VERY clever.”

Dr. Force also warned that lowering the wind speed could alter the atmospheric circulation and the jet stream, which would stop people being able to fly to Spain for hollibobs..

“Wind is is the stuff that pushes planes around and we can’t have them flying at 20mph. Tourists would miss the evening bingo sessions and that wouldn’t be nice.”

The government has dismissed these criticisms as unfounded and exaggerated, and has urged the public to support the new policy, which it says will make Wales a world leader in environmental protection and innovation.

“We are confident that our 20mph wind speed limit will be a success, and will set an example for the rest of the world to follow,” said Mr. Windy. “We believe that the benefits of this policy will far outweigh the costs, and that the people of Wales will embrace this change and enjoy a cleaner, quieter, and calmer future.”