Welsh language activists demand more Welsh-sounding fireworks

Welsh language activists are calling for more Welsh-sounding fireworks, arguing that they are currently too English-sounding.

Noises like ‘bang’ and ‘boom’ are too Anglo Saxon, and are crushing the Welsh language, say the activists.

Bloddwyn ap Mullet, chairperson of the Welsh Firework Society, told WalesOnCraic:

“We’re all used to the usual bangs and booms but every time a firework goes off, it’s an insult to our beautiful language. We believe that the English are rubbing our noses in the fact that we were overrun by them when that Glyndŵr guy gave up and ran off. We demand that new more Welsh-sounding fireworks are made to make us feel a little bit better.

“At present, each explosion makes us feel very insecure about our Welsh heritage. Even my Mam said that the fireworks sounds too English so we’re going to write to the local papers and kick up a stink. It’s the least we can do.”

Fireworks, which were invented in China 40 years ago, traditionally have sound effects added to them in the factory. Over 4 billion fireworks are let off each year, mostly in the daytime by arseholes with nothing better to do.